On changes

Some periods of our growth are so confusing that we don’t even recognize that growth is happening. We may feel hostile or angry or weepy and hysterical, or we may feel depressed. It would never occur to us, unless we stumbled on a book or a person who explained to us, that we in fact in the process of change, of actually becoming larger, spiritually, than we were before. Whenever we grow, we tend to feel it, as a young seed must feel the weight and inertia of the earth as it seeks to break out of its shell on its way to becoming a plant. Often the feeling is anything but pleasant. But what is most unpleasant is the not knowing what is happening[…]Those long periods when something inside ourselves seems to be waiting, holding its breath, unsure about what the next step should be, eventually become the periods we wait for, for it is in those periods that we realize that we are being prepared for the next phase of our life and that, in all probability, a new level of the personality is about to be revealed.

Alice Walker

This was a quote Cal and me pinned up in our locker last year, and we would wonder about how we would each change after leaving, after not seeing each other for months. What would we change our minds about? What would be still important to us?  

But Alice Walker is right. You don’t know this change is happening until you look back. And, there I was, senior year, angsty and bitter and not knowing what was going on with my life and all it was was a little change going on.  

So wise

But how have I changed?

I guess I’ve become more intentional about living and paying attention. Time seems to pass so quickly here, and I don’t want to forget any of it. I think I’m just more aware of everything, which is good...but being too aware can take a toll on you.

I’ve loosened up. I was sort of a bitter old lady last year, but now I’ve realized that some things just aren’t important enough to worry about.

But I've also realized that never again will I take granola bars for granted. Some days they’re all I end up eating. There needs to be some holiday in honor of them or something.

And I've realized a few spoonfuls of peanut butter can count as a meal.

 

It's that good.

And I actually like my family. A lot. Far more than I did in August.

The fam

And I’ve begun to come to terms with society; Instagram and snapchat don’t seem so awful after all.